|this is ...the m E p.com||
|my E l e c t r o n i c pen - - - The Toots Edition||
june busted out but where was la Poot?
May 31 2002
i watch tourists watching; i watch my city with them. foreign cities always have a special glow; a special unknown, that sparks our interestand makes us feel alive. we watch people with more exciting news; more interesting lives, we tolerate bad driving and don't allow the minutae of stresses in the city to affect us.
it's a freedom we only know when we're somewhere else; unless we decide to. it is possible to bring this freedom with you - it is possible to ignore the shit and only see the beauty, the evening sun hitting red bricks; the sunshine (or on a day like today, the good fortune to live in a drought-free province), the sense of general calm and peace that simply comes with knowing; with being; with living. the same tourist-sense that allows you to enjoy the small things in another city; you can decide to take it with you everywhere you go, even if you don't go anywhere.
i think it's the kind of freedom that eternally happy people know. i've experienced it before, but in gravid mode i'm moving slower and calmer, allowing me to see it more.
i hope it stays with me more and more as i grow older.
May 28 2002
may moves into ending; june arrives without preparation. warmth might be here to stay, motivational words from a stranger wants me to dive, to delve, deep; as deep as i can; and for toots sake, that's a good thing. leave some questions open.
appreciation mode; for walking, for talking, for making choices;
waiting for friends to return from journeys - conversation with close ones eagerly anticpates summer heat; barbaques; being outside; walking the river path; diaper-changing; and newness in all things.
burnt coffee never did any harm to me.
May 27 2002
maybe warmth is here to stay
a story mailed to me today
major events : 1996 = trip out west 1997 = moved to LA 1998 = moved back from LA 1999 = ?? 2000 = new position, travel, 2001 = Stockholm, 2002= toots!!!
May 26 2002
sometimes; there's only sadness
sometimes; only joy
maybe there's a reason that the concept of simplifying life evades me.
May 19 2002 Sunday long weekend
"some people have a way with words
and others, well, not have a way!"
- steve martin circa a long time ago
squirming, i find a spot finally.
a huge yawn.
country music tingles from the kitchen, even if i was fed up with it,
getting up is simply not an option now. slow blinks and toots and i
were cold all night, waking to a cold late may day; late? what happened
to may? we froze thru it and lovely green linens n' things hang, unworn,
in my closet.
even a few hours of prancing go reckone'd with. but that chocolate icecream
sure was good...leaving with my freedom in a silvery car, i can zoom zoom zoom
downtown if i want and demand service; lick a cone; find my favorite cocoa butter
in a lovely bottle and try some expensive shoes on whether i feel like buying them today or not. these little freedoms exist in my mind; first; the freedom in the pocketbook follows in natural sequence. is it luck, i try not to attribute too much of my outcome to myself since myself was not my own choosing, really.what i choose is the appreciation of it, the peace that comes with it; the strength of having my own choices.
tootsy begins to turn inside of me
kitchen counters turn from beige to grey
time for some watermelon.
May 15 2002
i'm here, i'm here more than ever, without even being here.
without touching much; i'm touching more than i ever have.
the promise of spring hasn't come the usual way in 2002;
rainy wind beats our brows on the outside
while inside the sun shines eternal on us.
our new world has started already. milk and cereal disapppearing
and poot's heavy legs keeping her stiller.photos of a smaller belly
already endearing; and dreams of making ice cream sundaes with
sprinkles and smarties, and planting a vegetable garden while the
little one watches and learns, fill my world.
baby-steps towards a baby room, i'm completely half inside my work
buzz buzz buzzing; and completely half somewhere else.
May 12 2002
"the clock says 3:00
th bed is cold and empty
i met a girl who reminisced
i met a thoughtful girl who could have been me
she spoke of her life candidly - her ex-con husband
and their child. she rambled in a drunken stupor
rambled about whore sisters until she blurted:
"well i guess you don't want to listen anymore"
her drunken sentances coherent.
and all the experiences add up
although we might forget some:
the small kitchens and the perfect red tulips
become us; until moments of glory succumb to tears of joy
we might forget how blissful the summation is
unless waves of emotion remind us
as we're just driving over the mountain
to go to the Bay on a sunny, glorious, perfect spring day.
May 9 2002
early may prances in our favour now, green-ess half it's lifesize;
sunday morning coffee on the front stoop.
they can't take hope away from me now-
all the tunnels are lit and the music is playing.
there's our own world, maybe mine alone;
that is peaceful, and warming,
and new, fresh as spring.
toots dances a jig; or fights for some room,
nothing alien there, rolling belly notwithstanding.
still awakening to this sunny morning;
half-asleepness becomes me
whirlwind days hook me up by lines
from toronto to stockholm and brazil
but this little poot is grounded, solidified,
and moreso, even still.
May 2 2002
during the night, i wonder what the morning headlines will bring;
and we live in the land of peace, imagine//
world events and episodes of the West Wing rustle my feathers.
all juxtaposed with an internal serenity; and knowing the simpleness
which will inevitably come,