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  • in the morning, i like to have time.

                                                    my    E l e c t r o n i c  pen

    i   n  d  e  x


    j u  l  y     31
    8:12 am

    olympic tweets, july ending.

    stiff neck for poots, is work that bad?

    and poots, smaller in her frame, stiffer in her neck, falls in love anew, for no reason, at all.
    two little girls and their ipads, one messy, messy house, tepid java, who cares what russell says anyways. but we do.
    briefest calculations on a crumpled drawing, the art wall needs help.
    freedom is worth it, if you call it freedom, and poots forgets her one line opener.
    something about the morning, oh well, it's gone now, and a stiff neck remains.

    with what can we close this month, heat persists, sick swiss, say that seven times.
    we hold each other up, sometimes by a thread, sometimes with brute force.
    either way, it's reciprocal, it's natural, effortless, unending, and somehow as pure as the rain.

    8:19 and poots forces herself to care about being on time, only in this one instance.
    in this moment in time.
    the java pot ticks.
    cooler air comes through the wombatting window
    and i feel too old to have two little girls with ipads.

    long term memory, poots,
    long term memory.

    j u  l  y     28
    counting down, smallest poot ever, she says.

    burning eyes, tepid java, half a paper, and lots of seeds.


    lake odelin

    j u  l  y     27
    cottage man, meet camping poot.

    two weeks off leaves a rested poot, poots-a-rested indeed.

    summer winds down, and into it, longer, rested, days.
    in the woods, days begin by dragging, and end by being very short indeed, where the length of the day doesn't even matter anymore.
    time, as a measure, is heavily over rated
    and the best thing one can do with it, is let it be.
    and this is the best thing to do with time off.


    j u  l  y     25
    rouge-matawin day 3.

    the sun shines brightly through the birch undergrowth, morning birds songs morphed into late morning songs. the neighbors have not yet stirred.
    the swiss man snores in the small tent, the children sit in relative peace, by the fire.


    the penguin falls into the fire, scooped up,
    tears averted, he gets doused in 'parfume'  which morphs into a discussion of the cost of parfume and an analysis that too much parfume doesn't really smell nice at all.

    a successful breakfast of mango and bratwurst,  and lots of coffee for the adults in the picture.where does a plane flying over rouge-matawin go, poots ponders. now fed, the children disappear to the beach, and i, left with only the slowly diminishing sounds of their voices fading into the canopy, notice more acutely now, the occasional crackling of the neighbor's fire and the flames of ours licking the still damp embers.

    camping, as an art form, requires patience. not the patience of waiting for the tent to be put up - but the long, drawn out sort of patience that grows by the day, and only after two or three days, tells you that waiting for the effects of the world to dissipate is actually worth the wait. and it is this alternate satisfaction of not knowing you were waiting until the moment comes where you realize that cuba is right here, and that you created it yourself out of sheer patience which you spent having the perseverance to make it through two days of patience. and that letting whatever thoughts pass through your fingers is as nice a meditative form as it gets, and the ants don't bother you anymore, nor the trickling sweat down your torso. 

    j u  l  y     22
    9:58 am  nights of long sleep in the middle

    poots wakes, warm, soft, naked.
    love, one year old, transposes.

    creamy pasta-tummy churns; java new;
    leaves and cicadas, in latish july, start their dance.

    a mid-summer morning in montreal
    sunday, but the days merge gracefully
    a little thing, cradling an ipad,
    is looking for me.

    -  -  -

    i've slept,
    i've made a sand castle;
    i've been forgiven.

    j u  l  y     18
    7:26 am  sleeping house on wednesday.

    a puffy-eyed poot waits to meet mike good after many years.

    extra dolls now, a mess is worth it with three.

    and poots, on toot's tenth birthday, is caught writing poetry.

    j u  l  y     17
    6:58 am the heat subsides

    loud rain, darkness, seven oh six, thunder.
    moments tick by, the city house sleeps.
    throbbing ringing, can poots think past it.
    strange bugs flying
    forecast: more heat;
    children still sleep,
    poots awakes.

    j u  l  y     15
    8:12 pm the heat subsides

    nighttime. poots sits alone with her emotions.
    the orangish glow of night tinges the red bricks at little chloe's house.
    remnants of the high life on my back, on my ring finger.

    did i simply think too much. i guess ill never know.

    another party in full swing, i numb my brain for a while.
    in fact, i don't really care, in fact, all i care about is you.

    could this be good, writing at night, and if i were an introvert, would i write even more?
    is this me, being passive aggressive?

    so much for treats tonight, on this middle of summer night.
    so much for whimsy, reading minds, and being awake.
    tonight i will sleep. i will cry. i will feel what it feels like.

    and that's not all a bad thing.
    what did i write, a year ago today.

    July 15
    8:12 am the heat continues

    we kiss in public, but even in family.
    only madness will make you do that.
    forehead to forehead, does this world exist.
    i can say it now.

    european viruses take hold,
    he politely says good morning,
    precious moments tick by.
    my heart swells.

    today there is an essence
    which i would paint here
    not vanilla
    but something more pure
    priests; servers; artisans; warriers; kings; sages; scholar;
    but the greatest of all
    you know what it is.

    i'll be back.

    July 14
    6:23 at least half a sleepy house.

    when lyrics ring true

    he's a man; he's just a man;
    he's just one more;
    yet, a force no greater, have i known.

    can i speak truths here, in this quiet place, early on saturday of a birthday party on the hottest day of the year.

    watching a man think; watching him ponder, reflect, these are beautiful things to me now,
    no matter what the thoughts.

    poots is stiff, poots is pensive, having the children makes it real, makes it perfect, although impossible.
    it makes us both complete at once, more impossibilities.
    and yes, writing this, leaving others out, cruel but facing myself is something i had to do eventually

    balloons in the orange morning glow;
    rhythmic snoring from the blue room;
    tepid java;
    watermelons, chocolate cakes,
    me and a swiss boy.
    well, make that two.

    July 13
    7:54 am - late already

    one evening, last week with five very different people:

    Not a 'quiet night of quiet stars' more like a fascist bombastic collusion of people born on three different continents, and representing the major demographic of 'couple-dom'.

    the suburban Toronto happily married couple;

    the Finnish cosmopolitan 'stuck in a housewife life' but 'not a housewife' who married the most desirable bachelor,

    and the single El Salvadorian;
    discussions around division of labour, foreboding to my ears, i gave unsolicited advice; or perhaps solicited;

    but i'm older and slightly wiser than her, and i know it's right. it's the same philosophical conundrum that I have concluded that there no answers for:
    why, after all these years of civilization, do the gory mechanics of the Male and Female brain still rule a relationship.

    July 10
    6:38 pm - unusual, i know.

    what is poots reading these days


    if i only knew now what i didn't know then. what the heck would i have done?

    July 7

    what would the book be called.

    chapter I.
    chapter II.
    chapter III.

    July 7

    or drag you down.

    emerson lake and palmer; i missed that one, from chateauguay.

    moog synthesizers and me synthesizing my thoughts, on a hot weekend in july in montreal.

    orange walls; i need orange juice;

    emails from Vermont, texts from Italy, and vancouverites in the heat.

    synthetic thoughts bouncing around this brain, poots and her water avoided a headache, leaving only dusty brain.

    heavy hearted, the CBC, and changing positions.
    how deep in this post can i hide any real thoughts;
    there is no depth for truth; no space for my mind;
    it lives alone, circling mostly instant feelings today,
    and trying not to regurgitate past ringing ears.

    women in colorful dresses, swing their hair and do their nails;
    they are open enough to try oysters Rockefeller, kind enough to empathize with sad stories,
    but what do they fall in love with; what do they fall in love with.
    my Swiss man sends only brief messages about food, i used to care more about food but most people don't,
    i should have given up along ago. he too, will figure it out one day.

    chickens now, that is fun, phrase it in a different way poots,
    put on a cloaking device, man your shoulder aches.

    July 6

    do you surround yourself with people who raise you up.

    July 5

    aching poot, ringing ears. terrible sleep, patterns, Finnish secrets, and poot's brain is exhausted.

    surround yourself with people who push you past boundaries;
    fatigue, in the summer, is tiring.
    the java useless for today

    don't lament pushing others away.

    and about patterns... be aware, be forgiving, is the pattern destructive.
    is my brain so open it's limiting? is there a limit to processing?

    another day down the tubes, no brainwaves here.
    accept it, and move on, poots.


    July 2

    two cups of coffee, by my side, dreams that can't be done, and empty CD cases pile up to follow my life around.

    in summer, real life appears. if it's from Helsinki or Vancouver, I couldn't care less.
    it appears wearing a long flowing skirt carrying a delicate baby boy;
    it appears on a sidewalk with a watermelon, flowers, and a bike;
    and it sits on a sidewalk in cote des neiges eating fish and chips, or croissant, perhaps.

    the Germans are gone; my German friend in Berlin; my Swiss German traveling to Germany;
    when did all this happen, how odd in my life, but how nice.


    in the winter,
    people asked me
    if i was happy.

    i couldn't answer that question then.
    i had to run through it first.

    done running folks.
    made it thru to the other side.



    Sometimes you need a stranger to talk to
    Sometimes you need to go to the observatory
    Sometimes a movie star’s eyes gets you through the love and the lies
    Sometimes you need a stranger to walk with
    Sometimes you need to go to the dog park
    Sometimes a movie star’s spark gets you through the dark
    Sometimes a movie star’s bark bites you hard a birch on a lark
    I’m so tired of writing of cities
    Guess that you’ve guessed which one this is
    Sometimes a movie star’s eyes get you through the love and the lies
    Sometimes a movie star’s kiss let’s get lost in Los Angeles
    Sometimes you need a stranger to talk to

    July 1 - Our country is too big

    visiting cousins, inside AND outside for a change, being with me means being with my family.
    when was the last time you had a private bridge lesson with shouting?

    i had mEpwords in the night; by morning, they disappear.

    7.35. time to start this canada day.

    the Wombat stirs.

    copyright   the mEp

    1996 - 2012