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  • A P R I L 2 0 1 1 - Beyond Twitter ...

    my    E l e c t r o n i c    pen ... the 2011  romantic edition ...

    i   n  d  e  x

    a p  i l   30

    so i'm thinking about anne; about her values; her generational values; cleaning the house for the sake of having a clean house; a proper way to do things, everything.
    from a time when keeping house was all there was time for
    distractions were few, and pride was mighty.
    hedonistic thoughts were for the weak
    and the ruling goal was to keep 'correct' things correct.

    fast foward thirty years.

    she watches us. she judges us. i know she does.
    she watches us run, but doesn't know the half of it
    she watches my attempts, what would she think if she knew i was writing this here
    less, or more, i'm guessing her opinion would be ruled by the same indifference to all that doesn't fit into her world as given unto her by her generational paradigms.
    am i judging her by writing here, i am trying to understand what is right from wrong. it's something i have to do for myself since i don't have her generational values.

    this land we own, a chore. this mess we keep, an invoncenience. it's all a struggle.
    we pull our way through inconveniences only for the sake of our conveniences
    it's all about precious leasure time, and no reason for it not to be
    is it disgusting, is it wrong, is it different, yes

    my world has evolved to this. hers has remained. mine continues to evolve,, perhaps hers does to...
    perhaps i simply can't see it due to my generational paradigm

    a p  i l   26

    quiet time start: 7:21
    quiet time ends: 7:31

    drink the burnt java poots; chew those cheeks; someone is running; soon it will be you;

    a p  i l   25

    gurgling fish, silence all around, little peace of mind.

    i'm either running full speed or halted in tracks i have no control of.

    a p  i l   24

    even easter morn
    is quiet in our house
    the little one sorts smarties
    could it get any quieter.

    there are various reasons why many people don't like me
    one of them is that i really don't care about the daily happenings of life.
    yours, mine, her nor his.

    i care about reason, judgement, and everything i cannot control.

    a p  i l   23

    twenty seconds stolen
    four to check the date
    soft thighs, sighs,
    and windy between Easter
    if Easter matters...

    something inside me feels inside of me good
    there's no time to alt tab
    when silence is nearly broken
    and crafting words to describe locations and faces and situations
    becomes a monumental challenge, here.
    it becomes a code even i can't decipher;
    lucky pauline, she tells of real life

    a p  i l   21

    my mind, my company,
    the mEp, my shrink.

    mightily tweeting through eerily falling snowflakes,
    the cardinal tells the snow that it's time is up,
    go home, you look friendly but you're no longer wanted here
    and the snow says i'm hangin on for what it's worth
    just drifting down here, see, lightily with no real intention to stay
    and my flakes agree, as they float passed you like fireflys in the daytime

    poots chews.

    it is thursday, Holy Thursday if this were nineteen eighty,
    but no one round here thinks about that anymore
    we just hang on, one weekend to the next,
    me hoping to wake up early enough to write here
    and he hoping to survive the day; and the night actually.
    a palm is now what your grandma brings you
    and snow falls in spite of annual climate change warnings

    how to tune it all out, asks poots

    and as Carolyn said many times, many years ago,
    this is my diary.

    saving time is not always time saving.
    -little poots 2011 (that would be me)

    a p  i l   20

    it's hard to write about the word divorce
    - when it's not yours -
    and when the words must be cloaked in gold
    across the table, too small for anything but the separation of two people
    and two paper mugs of coffee

    hard to tell how pretty, how ugly,
    - when you hear one side -
    and when all persons, places and things are ficticious,
    unidentiified, unrelated, but unrelenting and as real
    as the empty coffee cups

    but it's even harder not to write about it

    a p  i l   19

    daily, daily, i rush here to wait.
    on april 19 2011, i awoke early, and, i think i slept.
    the first thirty minutes of the day passes in no time
    it's no time
    and all time
    at the same time
    rollercoasters of moodswings, how do they hide it?
    i cannot
    when i feel peacable, as though i can make up words and use performant in a sentance,
    when my ears don't ring
    and the coffee tastes good
    when the fish are quiet
    and the family sleeps
    i wonder if my therapy really worked
    and then i realize...

    it did.
    and hanging on several small nice said things;
    i smile.
    and words off this chest, wherever they have landed,
    are words off this chest.

    half a lemon, an accountant's business card, a pale blue sky, and
    and silence.
    and lots
    of silence.

    if simon would visit, i would like that too.
    maybe getting up at six is the answer.

    a p  i l   16

    closing throbbing eyes and head, i smell the spring of yesteryear.
    with louder spring birds and aching body, still recallubg vividly and instantly,
    the smell of my montreal yesterear; of early spring movers manually towing mattresses overhead;
    the smell of the tam tam before it's quite ripe;
    and the early morning dusty smell of the decarie, before SUVs are whizzing by,
    carrying not only the locals in and out of delicatessins on bar mitzvah day,
    but of perhaps suburbanites trespassing the city, with their three and a half minute view
    of the westernmost vestiges of urbia, peeking over the cement, offering nothing luring to them, until walmart at jean talon.

    yes, those were my first thoughts before my sore broken eyes were even opened today.

    a p  i l   15

    yesterday is gone, it was a day yesterday, now it's only a thought. a very fleeting thought
    getting more fleeting with each passing thought.

    thinking is to be avoided by many, here comes the child loudly out of bed
    and probably miserable and grumpy.

    a p  i l   14

    child-like communications from all around;
    children in israel;
    children giving speeches;
    do children run the world already?

    or am i simply getting old.

    is this the process of life, to outgrow the world around us,
    shedding our recognition of it, like a skin, left only with ourselves
    and an acceptance of our eventual non-existence...

    a p  i l   10
    8:55 pm

    sunday, sunday
    poots digests

    an outdoorsy day, bound in the front by Peruvian songs, and in the back with a secret club of two eating veal ragout under a blanketed wet tent.

    yesterdays' taxation an ugly thing, questioning, questioning, and put it behind you.

    is anyone really reading this, when your belly is full of ice cream sundae, you wonder those kinds of things. bike rides and parks make up a weekend.

    yesterday, she asked "maybe someone invented electricity before the guy who invented electricity and just never told anyone?"

    fridge full of food/yummy smells/toomany toys/ the weekend.

    a p  i l   9

    a night not long enough cut shorter by a grand hug
    poots wrinkled face, sweaty skin, and miserable demeanor, tells the rest.

    it's rare she writes in this state of mind
    rarer still, a perfect heart.

    chewing chewing early, what makes a poot chew her cheeks.
    no amount of concentration can prevent it.
    no glasses that fit properly, squashed, dropped or bent
    no more sunshine when she's gone
    but it's reflecting off the aluminium exhaust pipe of the Swiss neighbours roof
    and cutting me directly into my retinas..

    it's saturday and the timespace in front of us is wide open,
    what will we fill it up with; we're not advance planners, now that it's been many years
    since they didn't invite us back for dinner
    all i've ever wanted was that long table with educated people around it who enjoy each other's company
    but it's rare, it's few, and it's far between.
    or perhaps, it only exists in movies?

    can i beg the world what i want here,
    throw it up in the air, watch it crash to pieces for my eyes
    watch it crash

    and go back to listening to cartoons, slurping, and chewing the inside of my mouth.

    i could keep writing, jittery.

    i'm writing a book.
    i had to start somewhere.

    a p  i l   5

    a coffee i got a chance to stir;
    and a sore breast, both wake me up
    and the seven minutes that i got to spend in my own space
    in my own house
    for today, will have to suffice.
    phinneas and ferb, an inspiring backdrop, does not make.

    i will email you to work.

    a p  i l   2

    there's not much romance outside the door;
    two rolled newspapers and clock bells
    my imagination is very, very, vivid
    is my cousin reading this?

    a p  i l   1

    no fooling how i feel this morning
    carry it over to tomorrow
    because today may as well be over

    two twitter accounts
    does that make me religious?

    can i hide behind my faults
    until tomorrow

    however i can close my eyes and paint a two dimensional bridge into it
    ; a tapestry ; says she ; thirty years later ;
    do we weave alone
    do we really weave alone...

    the mEp

    1996 - 2011