MAY
April
29
7:12 am, two slept.
the only fast
life i know
involves
spending lots
of money.
so then
there's got to
be a balance
between
April
28
7:29 am, say it out loud, monday.
monday
monday. a body
aches but a
mind is awake.
mind your own
busy-ness
poots,
mind-melding
is difficult
with a hurting
body and head,
no poetic
justice here,
only
angsty-shoulders,
vicegripped
skull, stale
coffee, and a
dead cyclist
on rue st.
denis.
but the sun is
shining,
through
ringing ears
now more
loudly
ringing, the
sun is
shining, think
of a song,
songs from the
seventies, the
sun is shining
and isn't it a
pity.
the monotones
of the CBC
wake us from
our collective
fogs. one will
go swimming
with pink
speedo
goggles.
poots has her
music, which
cost
fifty-four
dollars, her
vice-gripped
head and her
ringing ears,
her stale
coffee,
and a little
bit of extra
motivation.
she slept this
night, with
cherry juice,
she dreamt,
she floated,
she bled.
facebook
becomes
ordinary;
twitter a
place to rant
when one
rants;
making our own
spaces, i can
rant here, i
can love here,
i can create
here.
we don't
always give
back to those
to whom we
give, who gets
to count,
he's not
looking for
me, he's not
talking to me,
he's not
wondering
where i am,
he's avoiding
avoiding me, i
get to think,
to place my
thoughts, to
rant, to
create, and to
hope.
all any of us
really need,
is a tiny
dollop of
hope.
'give me
love, give me
love, give me
peace on
earth, give me
life keep me
free from
birth'
-george
harrison
many hopeful
things came
from 1973.
amongst them,
this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLsKWWF94cw
April
24
omnivores
at 9:15
for all of
history, we've
been
omnivores.
April
20
Easter.
Alone.
for
all of
history, has
anyone ever
been so alone
as the woman
upstairs.
it doesn't
take any
treatise or
even much
googling to
confirm that
living alone
is a new
thing.
Aristotle
claimed that
one who lives
alone is
either a god
or a beast.
she wakes
alone, dines
alone, shops
alone, cleans
alone, bathes
alone, sleeps
alone, and
worst of all,
she eats
alone.
and the worst
of it is,
she's not
alone.
and i guess
that's why she
acts like a
beast.
and when you
google 'did
people' , the
world only
wants to know
if People's
Court get
cancelled?
April
18
what
makes music beautiful.
what
makes music
beautiful.
vendredi
saint
i needed to
say that twice
because i
changed the
answer twice.
sometimes the
lyrics in a
song are
perfectly
matched to the
melody;
what does that
mean, it means
the music says
the same thing
as the lyrics,
only in their
lyrical way.
it's a rare
combincation.
April
16
the world is not flat.
slept
in today like
a real
bohemian. why
isn't sleep
valued more.
bouleversements
at work
yesterday,
lunch today
with one of
the pretty
ladies will
tell me more.
quick poots,
write while
your brain is
still in 1994,
before any
sleepless
nights, nine
eleven, and
thinning
breasts.
tell us about
how you see
the world
unblemished;
still in the
knowledge that
more good
stuff is to
come.
supernovas go
off around you
these days;
sitting in the
symphony up on
the hill
(insert
photo), was a
divine blast,
completely
perfect in the
sense that you
got exactly
where you
wanted to be.
and you have
only him, to
thank.
and driving
home from
school
yesterday
morning, it
hit you like a
ton of bricks
that your role
is clear now,
unlike
1994 or 2004,
where your
role was
unclear, and
the world was
flat. the
world is
indeed not
flat poots,
and that's the
end of that
analogy. forty-eight years to learn what it means to be a woman.
wow. that was
a long, long,
lesson.
its much,
much, easier
to tell my
stories in
tongue.
once this
coffee kicks
in, i've got
some mountains
to climb,
uterus and
all.
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it's
very hard to
describe why i
need a rotton
corner. but i
will do it,
eventually.
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April
15
titanic/boston
marathon/epiphanies not so
historic but important
nonetheless.
anniversaries,
if you can
call them
that, on
today, and an
epiphany from
poots, nearly
three years in
the making...
i've learned
the meaning of
a man. in
doing so, i've
learned what
it means to be
a woman.
thank you,
Switzerland.
here is the
meaning of the
image below,
for those who
missed it.
the concept of
a big city as
having places
that are yet
to be
discovered is
no longer
acceptable: as
the global
view of what
is
'commercial'
meshes into a
commone view
of Starbucks
(we all have
the same
vision of
things) then
it becomes no
longer
acceptable to
have these
kinds
of places in
the city which
are not
understood by
everyone in
the same way.
we're moving
towards a
common
mindset, where
we all need
to understand
the world
around us with
the same
reference
points; and so
when people
see this
corner:
whether
canadian
japanese or
Egyptian
if they don't
see a commerce
they
understand,
they discard
it as being
real, viable,
and something
that they want
to interact
with.
i don't want
everything to
be the same. i
don't want
things to be
predictable. i
thrive on our
differences. i
need change. i
need
distractions.
if we all see
the same
things, how
will we learn?
how will we be
scared?
how will we
love?
and more
importantly,
how will we
hope?
aApril
14
let's not spiral into lovesongs;
although i've done it before;
maybe.
these
sites are
disappearing;
a building
with flags
outside
"octopussy", a
billard pub
called FATS, a
restaurant
where you dine
in complete
darkness,
and a corner
one-of-burger
joint opening
soon. it's
early morning
in april in
montreal. the
snow has just
melted, one
could count
the hours. the
forecast is
for 21
degrees, it's
monday, i'm
parking with
my flashers
on, watching
the clock on
the dashboard
nervously. we
have to be
there by nine.
it was a
really long
ten minutes
while she
bound the
exhibits. good
luck to her.
the world is
crazy. and not
in a good way.
squeeze you
tight my loved
one.
squeeze you
tight and
never let you
go.
April 13
10:03PM life.
it's only my interpretation, but some kind
of odd strength has finally come back.
adults with ADD. empty facebook friends.
beautiful music.
and more love for one man than i ever
thought possible.
when
it's beautiful, it's
really, really,
beautiful.
time
for bed.
April 12
7:28 am
no blood test today
i learned something from miki yesterday.
her blog reads "i don't care what ring he
gets me, i will love it because it is from
him"
through dripping nose, burning watery eye,
and coffee getting cold, i am trying to
caffeinate myself out of a fog... of
fear...
the weekend is already so short it's
taking my breath away. and i managed to
not drink any wine at all, around me they
were
imbibing and my sanity was enough to know
that i needed to sleep instead.
but i didn't sleep very well anyways.
racing racing thoughts, the twitter song,
first world problems song, circled around
this
very fearful fear
April 11
7:35 am
i've been out of the house already. the only
time in my life i was ever regularly out f the
house before
7 am was when we lived in Los Angeles. so when i
go outside this early and before i've drunk
coffee,
it always brings me straight back there, and
jewel starts to run through my head. los angeles
is a very
peaceful place at 6AM in El Segundo. and so, for
that matter, is montreal. however getting a
blood test
is not. enter the hospital from a barren and
quiet street and after the requisite elevator
lesson from a tired
nurse, one rounds the corner to the centre de
prelevements where about two hundred
un-caffeinated souls
burgeon from the waiting room, a hive of
activity in the quiet world. in MY quiet world.
back home, i need
a new strategy...
so people do as they're told. even my boss
confirms this. they simply DO, without
questioning. not me.
and not my daughter. the world is lazy, they
say, the world doesn't want to be saved. i know.
i know.
so at 2.30 am i was writing the next incarnation
of my book. i can perhaps tell you a bit about
it, since
it will likely never see the light of day. (no
one cares, remember). it's called 'sexless
marriages; sexless lives'.
i love this title so much i may go out and
copyright it today. the point is that there is
an epidemic (the media
loves that word) of sexless marriages and no one
is really talking about how that impacts not
only their lives
but all of our lives. it was ultimately caused
by women's liberation; us, me and you. we are so
liberated we
have liberated ourselves from sex. and this, is
a bad thing. it's made us critically unaware of
our roles; both
men and women. only through sex, i will posit,
can the lines of gender roles be maintained, in
2014. and being
unaware of our roles as men and women is
stripping us of our humanity. it's removing any
need for vulnerability.
it's removing the critical crust of our
paleolithic selves, making us into crystalline
products of the modern age.
...teflon, shiny, unaware.
sure, the rest of society isn't helping - people
are distant, afraid, removed, and scarred; yet
this is exactly why
sex is the last bastion of the essence of being
alive. it's difficult, don't get me wrong. it's
damn, damn, diffitult.
but it's imperative. it's critical to our
survival.
and you thought romance being dead was a bad
thing.
Pointe Shoes, Filet Mignon, and Sleep
 april
eigth, constrained by dates, poems don't have to
rhyme
who says i need dates, to demarcate
it's maybe spring; maybe change; maybe time for
old and new;
elections won or lost, depending on the view
gray and wet, outside and in my mug; is jesse
dead or isn't he?
epic dreams on a long night of water-induced
sleep;
swimming in a gargantuan pool, with gargantuan
diving boards,
and water temperature tuned to a body. late at
night, closing time,
and wen was watching. and then we wanted to
reproduce this pool.
very expensive, say the pool franchisees, whose
napkin notes i held
as we walked out of the place together.
so before poots enters the new world this
morning, she will scribe her thoughts
trying to be alone when she's not alone, that
fleshy in the bed woke up beside me.
pointe shoes, filet mignon, and sleep, a happy
combination for neurons.
april april
everywhere.
original thoughts whipping thru the sky
fond, mind-melding, body-melding, soulfoul,
SLEEP.
mysterious, elusive, live-giving, sleep.
with the backside of being keenly, acutely aware
of where one is.
but only with sleep is one equipped to take any
action at all.
so poots will take her slept body and soul for
as long as it stays;
as short as it lasts;
from life to after life; in sadness and in joy;
til lack of sleep do us part.
....
i don't care if you're skiing.
i don't care if your kid is sick.
i don't even care if it's your birthday.
today, i have energy to care about me
and that's all i care about today.
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