i missed november
i missed many things

october 29
563 days.

october 26

no deep thoughts today
just another rainy toozday
just another sad day
of heartache and pain
for those who grieve
and for those who do not
another day of not understanding grief
and living your life
that was me
for a very long time.
not her.

october 25


but the one i will tell is that, your organization is super slow and all your employees and processes
have caused this project 14 weeks of delays
but your response now that things are a mess is to yell at us to get IBM on the phone (facepalm)

what's the point of a work social if you cannot voice your concerns about work lol
my tweet got liked by the politico guy yay.

we talked about flaws, that is what Henry and I discussed last meetup, i said she had none
and of course he said if someone doesn't understand him he considers it a flaw but i was
referring to objective flaws (he pulled out that term this week, good way to phrase it)
and he was referring to subjective ones. i tried to explain to him that there are objective flaws
there are flaws that humanity considers flaws.

ultimately so many thoughts today, i weirdly slept all night

Meetup topics were great and meetup people were great
then lots of conversation with the no flaw person

should teaching be a vocation??

october 22, friday.

good morning
i rarely say that
half a night of non drugged sleep

moneyplus another half drugged
isn't horrible
enough to not say good morning

and type in the mEp.

the week is ending, like other things, the Haylna Baldwin story
is breaking

lots of hearts

as grief spreads

and as i straighten my back
to life.

betty needs the wine:
she deserves it:
so does Mika:
anyone who is kind to me:

"i don't relate to you"
Billie Eilish song in my head

because of them:

october 21

secretmep created
trying to add a password ...

october 20

lots of ohs and zerohs
no x's thougoh

i wish you had a last day

your last email to me

april 13, 2020
9:18 am`


thank you michael jackson for giving me the courage to read his emails.



Flight to Zurich
Looking at the past...
Dorval Airport

october 16

sounds like a familiar day:
through birthdays from the past and months of pain
and now there's rain
on top of pain

but there is some joy
on top of ploy
between the cells
of this heart swell

as i push on
while feeling long
it might get past
the past

october 14

long long night, force yourself to write

october 13.
hump day.

the government works in a way of logic
that is like asking someone to get the apple down the hallway
with grains of rice lined up in front of the apple
and the individual picks up each grain of rice
returns it to the start
until there is no rice before the apple.

October twenty twenty-one with a broken dash key

good morning world
wow i never say that
i guess i slept
list of things to do: air compressor

how do you know your parents love you
how do you know you have ADHD

how do you adjust a pillow correctly
how do you get peace and quiet
how do you go on vacation without worrying about money

how do you choose a font size
how do you tell twitter you hate twitter
how do you admit to something... like

in the end it's normal we end up only posting vacation photos on fb
it's not related to bragging
it's the only thing that doesn't start annoying discussions

sunday sunday
every song is painful
almost every

and yes, my words are no longer ephemeral